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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: July 20th, 2023

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  • You’re taking the wrong path, I see some things that you may not be considering.

    Friendships don’t need to be defined by beginnings and ends. The gentlest way to cool a friendship is to spend less time with them.

    Spending time within someone you find attractive doesn’t screw with your psyche. An internal cycle of hope and rejection does.

    She already rejected you, you said it in the post. ‘Its not the right time’ is not an invitation to wait, it’s a gentle no (and it’s much worse approach than just saying no). Accept it and move on. If your thoughts wander to oh but maybe we could be together if I do something - remind yourself she said no. If you need further clarification ask again.

    Threatening to end the friendship for a romantic relationship has zero good outcomes. If you can’t handle the rejection or don’t want to be her friend, then stop making time to see her. The only reason to explain that it is ‘because you want more’, is the thought that it will change her mind - remember emotional manipulation is gross and rapey but don’t worry you haven’t done it yet. Thinking about things isn’t doing them.

    Also, you sound like a young man, so I just want to affirm that the drive to have sex can be wild strong, and make clear thinking hard. It’s okay, just remember you don’t want be with someone who you can get to agree to a relationship with you, you want to be with someone who wants to be in a relationship with you. Everyone is worth that much.




  • I mean, if you want to make a point like that: TV shows are horrificly scarring to children. Not all of them of course, and we have a rating system to make it easier for disconnected parents.

    The same goes with games. I guess you’ve never played a Nintendo switch, but these are hardly the same thing as phone gatcha games. My son can easily walk away from playing Mario kart at 5. Games should probably also be rated on addictiveness.

    Parental oversight and engagement is of paramount importance.

    As to the final paragraph, your right half of the adults can’t. But it’s not like the challenge is going to go away as they age, kids will have better defenses against this shit if they learn from a younger age. But we should also have a deeper look socially as to what we want to let companies get away with in terms of manipulating us.


  • I’m shocked by the level of anti tech/screen time in this thread.

    ‘6 is too young’ - you think this (or any 6yo) child doesn’t watch TV? All the arguments provided go double for TV, expect for portability.

    My take, as a parent, is that full restriction is almost as unhelpful as no restriction. Kids need to learn, and a big thing they need to learn is self regulation. Teach them by teaching them how to play within limits and how to watch between limits. Some of my friends did zero screens till 5, and now they’re kid now basically worships screen time - it’s this huge reward for him. H’ll be fine, but the difference to my kids is staggering.

    A key point about screens, games or shows, is that they shouldnt be used to replace emotional self regulation. There is research coming out now that does how this stunts emotional development.

    But ultimately it’s your brother’s choice.


  • Cold turkey worked for me. Took me 4 attempts. I wasn’t hard on myself for failure, I noted what happened (emotional trauma, stress, alcohol) and prepared myself for the next attempt.

    I wanted to quit, so when I relapsed it’s not because I wanted to smoke but because those little cancer stick bastards were trying hardest to kill me. But if they were going to be tough, I could be tougher. I found it easier when I could see the cigs as my enemy.


  • 10 years ago I learnt that southern New Zealand slang uses bespoke or custom as an indicator of poor quality. Someone shittly welded a tow ball onto their car, that’s a ‘custom job’.

    Your poorly assembled second hand IKEA bookshelf that’s falling apart and well fucked? A bespoke piece of furniture.

    Those words have never bothered me since. Thanks kiwis.











  • Ok, so I don’t think I explained my thoughts on crushing well. It’s not, in the real world, bludgeoning damage. I can see why they chose to not have a crushing damage type and just use bludgeoning though, as anything susceptible to one would be susceptible to the other.

    Ugh, bringing AC into it is a mess. But I think your approach results in the tennis ball lasting an average of 20 hits in a game between two strong opponents. And less time the better they are at playing tennis?

    I think you’ve moved the goal post, but perhaps in an interesting direction. If the goal is to simplfy the damage types, what do you lose by replacing force attacks with other types? I think you lose an impact type of damage like damage to creatures you can’t hit with a hammer. Magic missle goes from best to worst spell.