To me it sounds like something other than depression, however it doesn’t matter because you are clearly right, these are extremely unhealthy thinking patterns and it is a symptom of maybe bigger issues you need to address.

And it is true, everyone deserves love and there’s nothing about you that makes you categorically undesirable. Just some things specific people like or don’t like about you.

You should consider talking to a therapist, or at least someone who is not involved with you day-to-day but understands you. Having someone reality check your thoughts, especially those ones, can be extremely helpful to get a better frame of reference against those toxic thoughts, that are often times not rooted in reality.g

You too, it sounds like you got this on your own already even if it’s difficult, but if you need to talk you can hit me up anytime:)

Sounds like you’re going through a lot.

First off,what other have told you is the best basic advice. There’s nothing you can do and you have to assume she won’t change her mind. You also said you are 23 and you feel like you are being childish. That’s absolutely not true, if someone broke up at 30 or 40 or 50 or whatever with a long time friend it would be just as rough. This situation is hard, and there’s no learning unfortunately and no preparation, it just sucks.

And that is what I would say as well: it’s fucked up. It sucks. It’s fine to feel betrayed and sad and angry and lonely. It’s very fair to feel that way, because you lost something important. It’s ok to not feel ok and it’s normal to be so moved by something so hard.

Maybe there’s something to say for changing your routine a bit. Finding other friends circles that she is not involved in, trying new hobbies and everything. That way you have something new to think about and other people to talk to - this might help with her being around parties every now and again.

Also make sure you take care of yourself, start building up a new routine.

It could be beneficial to talk to her when your feelings towards her are not as strong anymore, but it will always be awkward and there’s nothing to expect from it. It will just be a conversation and who knows where it goes.

These are all steps that can help you move on, but of course there is no handbook for breakups so this could look very different for everyone.

Although I haven’t been in your situation it sounds really rough and I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’m sure you’ll find someone else who loves you and will stick around.

Yes.

It’s not a utopia, but it’s the better social media platform for my mental health and I genuinely like it here.

I mean NGL they used to be pretty unbiased for quite a while which was very odd considering they have direct ties to Qatar. I can’t speak for their recent coverage though and there’s probably something to be said about them falling out of favor.

I love this. Imagine the gnawing of teeth when Putin realizes the smaller country he attacked gets so much recognition from the new pope. He must be livid. I’m so happy about this.

Weird frog dude

Is it normal I still feel bad even though I’m trying to do good and redeem myself?

Yes it is. People hold on to regrets for a whole host of reasons. Some more understandable than others.

But being good is not a value. It doesn’t stay up or down and it doesn’t get “remedied” in the traditional way. The amount of caring for others you do is awesome.

And yet, not saying no is an extremely unhealthy habit. Everyone has boundaries, and other people don’t realize how things drain your energy if you don’t say no. If you’re not looking out for yourself, who is?

The things in your list, almost all of them are nice in theory, but in practice they can run you into the ground.

• battling your instincts and personality
• feeling very guilty about every little mistake
• doing odd jobs no matter the person or task or how much energy you have
• not saying no

Look at this list. This looks almost self-destructive. It’s a testament to you that you are able to survive considering all these habits, but this is way past noble.

Please say no if you feel you need to, never agree if you you really don’t want to, only do odd jobs if they are appropriate, extend some grace for all of your mistakes and never suppress your personality. These are selfish things, but you are the only one who can be selfish for you, so look out for yourself.

It’s good to reflect on things, but you are beating yourself down for it. That’s never appropriate, especially because people like you, who are self aware and want the best for others, are very much needed in this world.

Let’s say whatever you did that ended the marriage was bad, and they’d both be together if you didn’t do it.

You were 6. Even if you intended this, how the hell is a 6 year old gonna be able to grasp the consequences of their actions. People can do really bad things at any age, but at such a young age, most of the things that happen because of your actions are out of you hands.

Do other people blame you for it? Because that is fucked up. They should know better. You are already reflecting, but blaming literally never helps anyone. And that goes for yourself as well, don’t blame yourself, no matter what you did. You can take responsibility and try to repair the damage to the degree you can, but never blame yourself for not doing things that you are unable to do. Do your best, and that’s all you can do. Mistakes are par for the course.

Marriages are made of 2 people. You are not part of that marriage, even if you are part of the family. If your sole actions managed to split the marriage, that suggests so much else was going wrong. Did they trust each other enough? Why were they not able to handle whatever their child did? How come they didn’t make up again after whatever you did, or they didn’t at least try? See how many avenues those two have to fix it? But they didn’t. That’s not on anyone else, but them. A working marriage extends a truckload of trust, grace, and love to each other, and I suspect, even if your actions rocked the boat, that boat was a nut shell with fish sized holes in it. There’s no other way your actions could lead to this. Your actions might have been the match, but look at the barrels of gasoline that fueled the fire. At that point, there’s so many things that can destroy the marriage, because the marriage was very shakey in the first place.

Trying to think of the worst things you could have done to lead your parents to part, there’s nothing a 6 year can do that makes them responsible for it. Please don’t beat yourself down - the amount of self reflection you do leads me to think you are an awesome human being and people around you should be grateful for how much you care for them.

TL;DR There’s no way in hell you were or are responsible for what happened to your parents marriage, no matter what you did.

I’m confused. Who is “they”? Who is addressing whom in the quote?

You can do everything right that people taught you. But you only start living when you make mistakes, fuck up, and find the places where you belong, and a picture perfect life doesn’t bring you happiness; it’s rather shallow and lonely.

That paired with the realization that my mental disabilities will make me lonely for the rest of my life and there’s only so much I can do.

Me.

Pretty sure it’s been a while since we found well preserved historical items from the second world war.

That’s what my estrogen dealer told me as well

Vibe coding is such a weird phrase to begin with. Why would you admit that your app runs on pure vibes in the first place?

THIS

Try to get this in writing, or document your day-to-day with this. Focus on the retaliation, the instances they tell you how you’re supposed to spend your money and maybe get coworkers to back you up and write that down.

The more clear evidence, the better. Lawyers love when you have a bunch of evidence in writing. Especially if it’s emails or similar directly from them that prove your case.

That makes perfect sense.

For me the most annoying thing is that no one is pure evil, neither is he. So it’s hard to just blame him and and be done with it. Things are always complicated. A lot of the time there’s no one to blame. Because that doesn’t help. Not him, but also not yourself.

One thing though: you said there will always be a place in your heart for him and that you will always support him. Please make sure you prioritize yourself. Don’t give him too much of your time and energy. If you are a friend of him, he is a friend of yours. It’s real easy for people to invest everything just for some “what if”.

Someone needs to think of you and if it’s not him, it has to be yourself. Things will become normal, but until then someone needs to watch out for you.

I had such a hard time trying to start off on mastodon. Finding the right accounts to follow, getting some basic filtering, no recommendations, …

That was very difficult and uncomfortably unintuitive for me. And I am a software engineer.

I can only imagine what hell that might be for a “normie”.

I love the fediverse and all it’s platforms, including mastodon, Lemmy, pixelfed, matrix, etc. but we still have a long way to go for people to adopt them, especially if you make it hard to get started.

I personally think the issue was never the recommendations or “content milling”. It was that there was no way to change it or turn it off.

I think the best way to make it more appealing is to put in the basics of other centralized platform but show users that it’s a choice, every time.

Registration? Enable OAuth with Google etc., but show users all of the options.

Recommendations? Use open source algorithms. Or models. On first login enable it and ask them if they want it to stay enabled, changed, or disabled.

Privacy? Turn off telemetry but tell them on first login they are free to turn it on in the settings to help with development.

Donations? Just like in boost for Lemmy, this should be the bottom-most option in the settings. Dessalines deserves the support.

I think the issue was never that a platform is capable of all the things lots of people don’t like, the issue were the dark patterns of opt out and making things hard to disable. Choice is powerful when it’s truly free and transparent.

That’s a lot.

It sounds like he only wants to be friends.

The things he is upset about are his issues. You are not his girlfriend, so you don’t need to address them because they don’t really concern him.

He is trying to set boundaries and it looks like he’s not good at it. It sounds like this is bad for both of you. But it looks like at this point there’s not gonna be a relationship.

The only thing you can do is find a way to move on. All the good things, but all the bad things as well will stop and things will be different, but there’s nothing really you can do. However what you two do together is up to you. If you need some time to process, tell him and take your time. If you think you can go back to being friends - try it, but be mindful this will be hard.

You are not your mistakes, and some of the things he said are his issues to deal with. Your body count? Sure he can be upset but that’s not on you to change. You told him the truth and the only thing he can do is accept it or break up and move on.

Right now it sounds like you two are not a great fit. He doesn’t value you enough to trust you, and you are trying to hold onto him even though he doesn’t trust you.

Maybe at some point things can be different but not right now and you need to have a life outside of him so you don’t get hung up on mind games.

Somewhere there’s someone who loves you for all you are but if it’s not him then that’s how it is. And if it is him, then there’s a lot of things he needs to learn before it might work. Don’t wait for that, you need to keep doing you for now.

Lots of love for Starbound, that game is underrated af.

Make music, perform music, make games, make movies, write small books and maybe draw pictures.

And then I would try out being a research attorney, being an EMT, a pilot, maybe working with NASA at some point and working for some government agency specializing in digital warfare.

People always assume if you had everything you would just sit at home and be lazy and never try anything. But from my experience you don’t do that shit just because you’re complacent, you do it because either you are way too stressed out to try out new stuff or you are in the middle of a depressive episode. Almost all people I know wouldn’t be able to be lazy for more than 2 weeks, they would start making something.