Where does a 600 pound gorilla sit?

Try to drive past a playground but the kids play soccer with your car for 20 minutes.

Turns out Epstein didn’t commit suicide after all: He just fell out of his notoriously unsecured cell window on the basement floor while the cameras were off.

“Fell out of window.”

“He was on the ground floor.”

“Fell out of window and face-planted twenty-six times.”

Countdown until Musk sues every single one of them for the crime, no treason of not giving him all their money.

Not at all. Political enemies of the Trump clan will be checked and balanced at every turn.

Look on the bright side, we’ll have so much raw data from the worst-managed possible country-sized control group. Except that they’ll probably react to attempts to document the results of their policies with book burnings and witch trials. Well, maybe we can smuggle in some camouflaged researchers or just watch the obituaries or something.

But EA clearly know how to rake in money with the yearly version of SportsGame 2021 2022 2023 2024. They are expected to make just as much cash by releasing the exact same movie every year. Who knows, maybe they’ll add microtransactions.

Countdown until it turns out that everybody associated with any competition to Musk’s companies just so happens to be a criminal Trump siccs his DOJ after: 5… 4…

The Onion writers: “Let’s go with this one, the real picks are too over the top.”

“Fuck that particular con, I have a president in my pocket now.”

Only until Trump is no longer the GOP’s darling. As soon as his grip on the Republican party’s balls is no longer all-encompassing, it’ll turn out that nobody ever really liked him or knew him at all and they actually were never really with him to begin with. Donald who again?

And even if he had been found guilty of a crime, then it would just have been a rigged trial. Innocence thus proven. Checkmate, laws.

Hey! HEY! That is a vile insinuation! They’d never do that and also they only suppress votes for the other party and those don’t count anyway, so what if they do it when it’s perfectly fine seeing how they could never win if they allowed the election to be run fairly, and in conclusion, voter suppression is great and everybody should do it (except for non-republicans).

Wait, what were we talking about again?

What do you value higher - that one company’s profits or the public? Why are you so selfish? Why can’t you just be happy that that one company gets to hold the entire population hostage over the necessary good or service that they can then monopolise? It’s so much easier to squeeze the poor for all they own when their very survival depends on the things you can hand out or hold back at a whim. Something something the free market will probably prevent abuse or something, so it’s perfectly okay.

But he has money. If you’re rich, they let you do it.

Which oune wold yo souggest?

“Stop or I will yell ‘stop’ again!”

At least they can finally admit that they are not a car company.

Your mom.

Wait, that doesn’t make any sense.

Wait, it not masking any sense has never deterred anyone from making a your mom joke, so it’s fine after all.

Wait, that’s actually a pretty grim appraisal of the state of what is considered to be humorous.

In that case, I’ll go with my sweatpants instead, if I may.