

Not wild at all - who better to help with intelligence than defectors?
Founder of the school I went to maybe somewhat similar to your idol, having had to flee himself once he spoke out against the regime he’d previously advised on education, then persuaded parents to send their teenagers to him after. It is said the war memorial is one of the few which has British and German in equal measure, so he wasn’t successful beyond keeping his own pupils safe whilst they were still his pupils.
Wake every day overwhelmed with dread, and the clinging stench of death and misery coating my everything.
Yay, boobies & locks!!
Do you think the HRT could be making the feelings you describe in your first comment more intense? Female puberty is often a tumultuous time emotionally until the brain acclimatises, even as it brings great relief and many satisfying changes, and fluctuating levels at any time can have a similar effect.
Be gentle to yourself, and try to do things you find comforting.