Fuckin socialism.
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One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. It booms “You have finally freed me after all these years, so I’ll grant each one of you 3 wishes.” The first guy immediately blurts out “I want a billion dollars.” POOF, he’s holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says “I want to be the richest man alive.” POOF, he’s holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion. The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says “I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life.” POOF, his arm starts rotating. The Genie tells them it’s time for their second wish. First guy says: “I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth.” POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm. Second guy says “I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want.” POOF, his looks change and the first guy’s wife immediately starts flirting with him. Third guy says “I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die.” POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions. The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish. First guy does, and after a while says “I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die.” POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don’t bother him any more. Second guy says “I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever.” POOF, he looks younger already. Third guy smiles triumphantly and says “My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth.” POOF, he’s now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around. The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: “I’ve invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I’ve never gotten so much as a cold in all these years.” Second guy smiles and says “Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I’m still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven’t aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed.” Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says:
“Guys, I think I fucked up.”
(thats the title now.)
EdibleFriend@lemmy.worldto News@lemmy.world•New York attorney general sues facilities promoting ‘abortion pill reversal’461·1 year agon…necromancy?
EdibleFriend@lemmy.worldto News@lemmy.world•Boeing forced to scrub first crewed Starliner launch to the space station344·1 year agoThanks Obama.
EdibleFriend@lemmy.worldto Ask Lemmy@lemmy.world•How has the world gotten worse since your heyday?14·1 year agoHave you considered heroin?
EdibleFriend@lemmy.worldto No Stupid Questions@lemmy.world•[Serious] Why do so many people seem to hate veganism?31·1 year agoIt’s the preachy judgmentalism that has led to the hatred of vegans. Of course I’m not trying to say all vegans are like that, it’s obviously a vocal minority. Most just eat their damn food and live their life.
But I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve been attacked on places like this and Reddit when I commented about meat.
EdibleFriend@lemmy.worldOPto Technology@lemmy.world•A YouTuber let the Cybertruck close on his finger to test the new sensor update. It didn't go well.English6·1 year agoTHAT’S THIS!!!
He went through a bunch of vegetables and, admittedly, it was pretty impressive how it handled them. But then with no hesitation it took off the tip of the carrot and he still decided to try his finger
EdibleFriend@lemmy.worldto News@lemmy.world•Second Boeing whistleblower dies in less than two months1·1 year agoNo it’s just that you spoke out against Boeing and people upvoted you despite the lack of context.
EdibleFriend@lemmy.worldOPto Technology@lemmy.world•A YouTuber let the Cybertruck close on his finger to test the new sensor update. It didn't go well.English912·1 year agoWe built it wrong as a joke
EdibleFriend@lemmy.worldOPto Technology@lemmy.world•A YouTuber let the Cybertruck close on his finger to test the new sensor update. It didn't go well.English721·1 year agoOf course it just keeps hitting harder when things are in the way.
Literally Tesla’s response
EdibleFriend@lemmy.worldOPto Technology@lemmy.world•A YouTuber let the Cybertruck close on his finger to test the new sensor update. It didn't go well.English483·1 year agoI figured that was a fucking typo at first
EdibleFriend@lemmy.worldto News@lemmy.world•Elon Musk Says He'll Reinstate Twitter Account Of Hitler-Loving White Supremacist551·1 year agoHE ALREADLY LITERALLY SAID THE JEWS DROVE OFF ALL HIS ADVERTISING
EdibleFriend@lemmy.worldto News@lemmy.world•Second Boeing whistleblower dies in less than two months92·1 year agoBut you spoke as if its already happening. in fact your post reads as if you are replying to someone? Honestly if anyone is coming off as a bot its you dude. I, of course, don’t think you are but…your post makes absolutely no sense in the current context.
EdibleFriend@lemmy.worldto Games@lemmy.world•Take-Two Interactive shuts down the Studios behind Kerbal Space Program and RollerdromeEnglish151·1 year agoI haven’t really been following because the first was just beyond me…how did they fuck up part 2?
EdibleFriend@lemmy.worldto Technology@lemmy.world•Catholic 'media ministry' defrocks AWOL AI priest after it told faithful you can baptise babies in Gatorade and that, sure, it can totally perform your weddingEnglish8·1 year agoTHATS THE WRONG SHADE OF PURPLE HEATHEN
EdibleFriend@lemmy.worldto Technology@lemmy.world•Catholic 'media ministry' defrocks AWOL AI priest after it told faithful you can baptise babies in Gatorade and that, sure, it can totally perform your weddingEnglish17·1 year agoMy denomination only uses riptide rush and we will bomb your fucking church over this
By being sober.
ish.