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Cake day: September 30th, 2023

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  • DillyDaily@lemmy.worldtoAsk Lemmy@lemmy.worldWhat was the "last good day"?
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    7 months ago

    See this way of thinking has actually landed me in a pretty bad place with my mental health.

    “I’m in charge of my own emotions” is not something an autistic person with rigid lines of thinking should internalise, but I did.

    As a result I never gave myself permission to feel negative emotions, because who wants to feel negative about anything if they don’t have to?

    It seemed so smart and healthy, just be happy, that’s what everyone always says about the easy fix to mental health. It was easy too, regardless what was happening around me, if I pictured myself feeling happy, I’d feel happy.

    I’m in my 30s and regularly mistake sensations with other sensations (am I tired or do I need to pee? They both cause a headache) and also I think all my negative emotions are skipping my brain entirely and coming out my arse in the form of IBS.

    I can’t picture myself feeling sad to experience sad because I …don’t remember what sad feels like.

    I remember what vomiting feels like, because that’s how my body has reacted to “sad” recently.



  • This, if anything it might clarify a few confusing exchanges we’ve had in the past, and it will certainly help me be a better friend in the the future.

    If I already know you, I know you, I’m choosing to be friends with you because of how you treat me and how you treat others when we hang out together. If I had any problems with that, I wouldn’t be friends long enough to hear you tell me about your NPD diagnosis.

    Now that said, I’ve had friends tell me about a diagnosis and it shouldn’t change anything, but now that the diagnosis is out in the open they want it to change things and I can’t offer that to the friendship, such as compromising on my own boundaries (eg: I had a friend who after explaining their condition asked me to provide tone indicators for everything I say, but I have alexithymia so that was really difficult for me to do and I couldn’t adjust my behaviour to meet the new expectations of the friendship, so we faded out of each other’s lives, they told people I stopped being friends with them because of their anxiety disorder… No it’s because I couldn’t meet the changed expectations of the friendship, describing my emotions every minute is hard for me and I choose not to be friends with people who require me to do that for their comfort)



  • People’s work preferences are their own, these guys are having fun, good for them.

    I always maintained I can’t work from home, I was forced to teach via zoom during lock downs and even now my job is hybrid, I teach in person in a shared classroom but I don’t have an office, I do all my prep and notes from home. Only I don’t. My productivity genuinely dropped when I lost my office.

    Then I house sat for a friend who had a home office and I realised I can work from home, just not my home, because it’s not set up for work and my head space in my home can’t flip to that “productive mode”.

    So now I go to the local library, which is better than my house but still not as good as an office because it’s still distracting.

    But it depends on the type of work, I prefer lesson planning alone in quiet peace, I get so much done, but when we’re developing community events I love being in our open staff room with laptops out, some of us sitting on the floor, others standing and just shooting ideas around, we always get so much done.

    But I’ve worked in other centres where that level of collaboration and communication wasn’t there - we didn’t have the right mix of personality types, and a workplace like my current staffroom would be chaos and nothing would get done.


  • This is the thing. Musk and everything his company does in terms of labour and marketing, and just their whole ethos is unethical as fuck, and I can’t stand that as a society we are celebrating Tesla.

    But self driving cars are not inherently bad or dangerous to persue as a technological advancement.

    Self driving cars will kill people, they’ll will hit pedestrians and crash into things.

    So do cars driven by humans.

    Human driven cars kill a lot of people.

    Self driving cars need to be safer than human driven cars to even consider letting them on the the road, but we can’t truly expect a 0% accident rate on self driving cars in the early days of the technology when we don’t expect that of the humanity driven cars.


  • This is a common misconception with “charity shops” in the UK and “opportunity (op) shops” in Australia.

    The assumption is that the charity/opportunity is for people doing it tough to be able to buy cheap clothes and home goods.

    But the “charity” is because many shops like this are partner retailers of larger charity organisations, eg: the “profit” from Salvos stores helps indirectly fund Salvation Army Housing and food relief programs.

    The opportunity comes from who they hire, if you’re disabled or elderly, these shops are more likely to hire you than other retail providers.

    But of course, a large number of charity and op shops abuse their staff as much as Amazon and Walmart do. Wage theft and unethical labour practices galore


  • Wow, that kind of blows my mind to think about, cleaning is often the longest part of preparing and eating food for me. I hate doing it and I will choose what I’m cooking and how to cook it based on the dishes in prepared food to wash up.

    My partner once asked why the carrots I cook are always chipped in a rustic style …because I’m not dirtying a chipping board for a carrot, I fruit ninja that shit.

    But I’ve come to find the cleaning up therapeutic, it makes me feel like the process is over, it’s a sense of completion and a job well done.

    That said, it’s only therapeutics when it’s my dishes, and I’ve got a clean kitchen. If I’m working around, or expected to deal with someone else’s dishes, I’m having a protein shake for dinner, because I will lose my temper at inanimate object trying to cook in someone else’s mess or having to do 2-3 loads of dishes so I can eat 1 meal.



  • Hence why the body neutrality movement is the way to go for a gentle love approach to health through weight management, fat acceptance is a strange concept, fat isn’t healthy, why accept poor health for yourself?

    The body neutrality movement is exactly that, your physical body is neutral, no judgement for whatever size or shape it is, so just focus on improving your mind. Are you struggling with addictive tendencies around food? address that, your body will catch up to the health improvements you make for your mind.




  • It causes genuine harm, I’m visually impaired and I’ve wandered into construction zones because advertising billboards are mounted near and “road work ahead” signs and everything is all just bright and bold.

    I don’t know what’s official, everything is competing for my attention but I have very little capacity to dedicate my full attention to a visual sign. The end result is incredibly fatiguing, seeing a bright sign and straining to ensure I read it because it’s colours look important, nope, it’s an ad, that was a waste of energy, oh look another one with the same blurry colours and type setting it’s probably the same ad… Nope that one actually needed my attention, and now I’m somewhere I shouldn’t be and I’m in danger.

    I’m also hard of hearing, but fortunately audio adber in the public isn’t as bad, but anyone who’s hearing impaired knows how fatiguing it is to try and filter through noise. It’s the exact same for visual impairment.


  • My mum and I had a shared period calendar when I was a young teen and still getting used to tracking my cycle, she hung the calendar and pen in the bathroom to model how I could track my cycle in a diary as I got older.

    We invented a key/symbol system so the calendar wasn’t intrusive for my brother and father to see, and one of the symbols we used for the luteal phase was a sort of hourglass ⏳, it was originally my mums poor doodle/sketch of a panty liner to indicate “you might spot a bit this week” but it looked like an hourglass so I joked that symbol meant I’m “just waiting for the storm to arrive”.

    It was the perfect symbol for me, because when people ask about the tattoo, and I don’t want to go into the real reason I say “it’s a visual reminder” and if they ask more I can say “it’s an hourglass, because there’s only a little time LEFT, it’s on my left hand - I get my lefts and rights mixed up. Plus it reminds me to put my watch back on after I get dressed, so it helps remind me of a lot of different things”


  • Yuuuup, I ended up getting a tattoo on my wrist that is essentially a personal period joke.

    At one stage it was crucial for my survival, it was a kind of grounding token to snap me out of hormonal suicidal insanity when my PMS was at its worst. Something I’d see that would bluntly remind me “it’s not you, it’s your hormones, you don’t actually want this”

    When I say the urge came and went zero to sixty back to zero in 30 seconds flat, sometimes that was an understatement. I really struggled because in addition to suicidal ideation during PMS, I had undiagnosed and untreated ADHD, which often gets worse with PMS thanks to the way oestrogen and progesterone play off each other.

    Guess who’s got major impulsively issues. Guess what two symptoms really shouldn’t be combined.

    I have zero desire to kill myself.

    But my hormones seemed desperate to try and make me do it every month, especially as a teen.

    It didn’t help that I had endometriosis and at 17 developed a uterine prolapse, on top of a rectal prolapse I’d had since I was 12. I was in agony when I was on my period, so sometimes the desire to make the pain stop overlapped with the suicidal ideation. That sucked. Hard to reason your way out of physical pain.

    I’ve had a hysterectomy (from 17-24 my uterus just kept trying to make its own escape anyway despite attempts to sew it in place) and no longer suffer menstrual dysphoria because it turns out that was gender dysphoria not true PMDD. But I still get suicidal ideation as part of PMS, fortunately my ADHD is much better managed so now my tattoo is less a suicide detterant and just a reminder that I still have ovaries (sometimes I genuinely forget, and it takes me a few days to work out why I’m bloated and irritable and why I’m anxious about my sore boobs)


  • In Australia Google maps has issues with routing cyclists on 80km busy truck transit roads that have no bike lanes, footpaths or shoulders. You’ll regularly get stuck behind lost uber eats cyclists whose map took them through a motor vehicle only underpass.

    The other day google maps decided to reroute me from a quiet, wide street with no bike lane that was otherwise perfectly safe, and tried to send me through a nightsoil alley, down a heritage stock run that was paved with cobblestones and crossed over a storm drain 4 times in a zig zag.

    Yeah, “safer” because there’s no cars I guess, but not suitable for bikes at all.


  • Some people think cilantro tastes awful, and I don’t understand those people on that point either.

    You don’t understand that some people have a genetic mutation that causes their taste buds to be more sensitive to the flavour compounds in cilantro, including Aldehyde?

    What is hard to understand?

    Aldehydes are a flavour compound in cilantro that in small doses gives a fresh, light and vibrant taste. Aldehydes are also present in the soap making process, various other cleaning agents, as well as being released by certain insects.

    If you taste a lot of these specific Aldehydes, you will taste soap. But cilantro doesn’t contain enough Aldehyde for most people to notice any fowl tastes.

    That is, unless you are an X-man with mutant taste buds.

    Their taste buds pick up on the Aldehydes, and therefore cilantrotastes like soapy stink bugs.

    It doesn’t mean I don’t accept them for who they are.

    […]

    looks gross.

    You don’t get to claim you accept people for who they are, then call them or aspects of their appearance “gross”.

    If you truly believed that people can have preferences we don’t agree with, then you would keep your mouth shut when you see a piercing you don’t like, but that clearly they like having.

    Accepting people starts with learning that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.


  • You should probably get that shiny, silver snot looked at by a doctor.

    There are 7.9 billion people in this world, you can’t be expected to try and look hot for all of them. I don’t want to be attractive to the masses, that’s exhausting.

    I want to attract the type of people I’m attracted to.

    That includes unusual piercings and body mods. I can’t explain why I find them attractive, but I don’t have to explain. We can just like different things and not yuck each other’s yum.


  • I don’t think a stereotype can ever be constructive because it will always involve the need to be restrictive and limiting in order to be a stereotype.

    I guess we need to question who benefits from the constructive stereotype.

    “drivers can’t see you” is constrictive for pedestrians, and also drivers, but it’s not constrictive to the graffiti tagger who is trying to go unseen by passing cars (not that a tagger is being constructive in the first place)


  • Yes and no, if you scambait hard enough your number can eventually be added to a blacklist for larger scam organisations that bought your data for use in multiple scam attempts.

    In my experience that has really cut down on the calls.

    In 2020 the department of human services accidentally posted my personal phone number on a list of support services for people experiencing housing or food insecurity. This number was then circulated by every major news source in my state. I couldn’t change my number at the time because I had no legal ID (still don’t… Can’t figure out how to get ID without ID, but I have a new number now at least) at first I didn’t really notice the ratio of spam calls to genuine calls for the wrong number (ie, people calling my number because they needed housing/food) . I just remember getting 40+ calls a day at many stages.

    But as the actual number for the food relief service was circulated, I eventually stopped getting genuine calls and I was getting 3-5 scam calls every single day.

    After a year of scam baiting, I was getting 2 a week.

    Now, I’ll do something online that requires sharing my current number, within a few hours I get a scam call because my data has been sold, but I bait the heck out of that first call and I usually don’t receive any further calls which suggest my number was blacklisted by a larger scam organisation, and I won’t be hassled until my data is sold again as a new item.

    It’s hard to avoid getting your number on scam lists when the largest health insurance company, and the second largest telecommunications company in my country both had major data breaches where millions of customers identifying information was accessed and sold to scammers…