Puckerberg!

No, it was like “weather is brought to you by.” Can I not remember the rest because I was blinded by rage . I didn’t even hear the weather. It only happened once.

Yo! How is Mad Madam Mim chaotic neutral? She was going to kill Arthur for sport.

“it’s the thirst mutilator!”

I asked Alexa what the weather was like, and they shoe horned a sponsorship.

What a terrible day to have eyes…

That’s a country song if I ever heard one. “Is my dick too long for this skirt?”

Behold this sacred relic! It’s his old samsung S5!

Narwhal is cool, but do you want to use the good Narwhal on just anyone? I want to use it for special occasions or that certain someone.

I would rather spend that money on a local burger joint. Give me a single named joint with a generic paper bag with grease stains on the outside.

The only way to protect yourself from a bad guy with a sword is a good guy with a spear.

So do you file it under your own insurance and they sue him?

I wonder, does his homeowner insurance cover the damage? Do you go through your insurance?

“This machine just called me an asshole.”

Obviously! To keep the knob’s thoughts from being read.

Is it at least scenic? Driving to El paso is so boring! If you don’t have satellite radio, or music downloaded on your phone, the radio takes a shit half way through.

Dear son,

Noice.

Love, dad

I this what you want?

I’d just wish they would bring back the rueben sandwich.

I went through to the trouble of translating that, and it was worth it.